Lately we seem stuck in a never ending loop of undesirable behaviors. Last night, for the fourth time in seven days, Alivia has gotten into my makeup and emptied an entire container of loose powder all over the bathroom. I don't just mean she's gotten into the same container of powder four times... I've had to buy a new container each time and she's emptied each one! When I ask her why, the answer is "because I want to."
I'm beyond upset that she keeps doing this. And it's not just makeup... she is creating chaos in every room in the house, scattering things everywhere and, in many cases, destroying things. I've tried every disciplinary measure I can think of and nothing is working. It's literally to the point where I can't leave her unsupervised for even a minute and as a single parent that is an almost impossible task.
I know in my head that all of this is part and parcel of the FASD life, but it is still so hard to accept that this beautiful child, a seven year old who can be so charming and loving and is so good at solving problems, seemingly can't comprehend the simple logic of good choices earn rewards and bad choices earn consequences. Or maybe it's not that she can't comprehend it so much as that rewards and consequences have no value to her. When confronted she acts remorseful, but I think it's more that she's sorry she was caught than sorry she did it.
The stress of dealing with this has made one thing clear for me, although not what you might expect. I have come to realize that I need to devote some time to myself if I'm going to survive this. I've been looking around at some different options and I think I'm going to get us a membership at the Y. They provide up to two hours child care each day while the parents are working out--it would give me a chance to work out, swim, relax in the sauna, etc., without having to worry about her. My hope is that I can regain a healthy body and lifestyle and through that, find a renewed inner strength, as well.
Lord knows I need it...
~ Jeana
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